Monthly Archives: December 2016

Why Do You Never See A Skinny Trucker? I’ll tell you why

Why do you NEVER see skinny truckers?! Every truck stop I hit, the truckers are enormous! And the bigger the soda container, the bigger the waistline. Duh. I mean, if there’s only one thing you should definitely avoid when you’re a professional driver is SODA!!!

Listen, I get it. For years, I paid no attention to what I ate when I was on the road. As a road comic, it sounds great to just eat whatever you want, whenever you want. Burgers, fries, milkshakes, steak dinners, chicken wings, pizza, and beer!! All my favorite stuff and as much as I wanted! I ballooned up to 245 pounds. It makes sense… it just crept up on me.

On my way to Deerwood, Minnesota where even the tuxedos are camouflaged. I’m geared up and ready to go for a long drive, hopped up on Yerba Mate. Throw that into a 32-oz glass of ice water, cut a lemon in half and squeeze that fucker in there, and you’ll be charged up for the day.

Stay the FUCK away from SODA! It’s just cancer juice. A vat of sugar. That shit is just empty calories,makes you crave more, and turns into fat around your gut as you sit all day driving, completely sedentary.

And as a road comic, I know I’m going to eat some high calorie bullshit food later on before or after the show. That’s why it’s especially important I’m conscious about what I eat while on the road traveling to and from the gig. Driving makes me hungry, too! When I’m active, I don’t pay too much attention to my hunger, but when I’m driving, I get sleepy sometimes and the munchies a lot.

So I got to have plenty of healthy road snacks when I’m on the road.

And I still try to get up every day, do a little wake and bake, and go on a 3 to 5 mile hike every day before another long-ass drive. Gives me time to reflect on the day, burn some calories, and come up with more fucked up ideas for you ass clowns.

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