St. Patrick’s Day in Review

I hope you had a great St. Patrick’s Day… With it being on Sunday this year, I noticed a lot of people celebrating the entire weekend.

I performed for 2 packed houses (Jenz Bar in North Fond du Lac, WI on Friday, and After Hours in Marshfield, WI on Saturday) then arrived back home in Chicago on Sunday. And let me tell you, people partied hard here in the city… There were so many people unconscious in the streets, it looked like downtown Baghdad.

I’ve never understood the phrase “The Luck of The Irish.” I’m Irish, and I’d just like to know what’s so goddamn lucky about being born into poverty with a drinking
problem and a small penis?

My uncles were big-time Irish drunks that liked to get into fights. That’s where I’m different… I’m a pacifist. I celebrate St Patrick’s Day by rolling up a fatty and smoke the true green weed that represents the chronicles of Ireland. You could say I’m a blarney stoner. POT of Gold has a whole different meaning to me. At one point, I got so baked, I thought leprechauns were chasing me.

And when you’re a parent of 2 boys, you have to celebrate St. Patty’s Day a little differently, as well… I used to go on pub crawls… Now, I just crawl around the house acting like a dog.

Our 2 year-old, Quinlan, is already exactly like a drunken Irish parade-goer…

… He’s constantly yelling for another drink…

… 97% of the time, I can’t understand what he’s saying…

… And he will happily piss on just about anything.

My wife and I have had to invent our own drinking games, too. For instance, we don’t play “Quarters,” we play “Pennies.”

It’s a lot like “Quarters,” except you have to save the other 24-cents per coin in order to put your kids through college.

We also like to play a game called “Drink Every Time Elmo Laughs Hysterically For Absolutely No Fucking Reason Whatsoever.”

That one will get you drunk real quick.